It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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