yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
