So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
