I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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