You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
