She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
