Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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