i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
