I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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