So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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