Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
