I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
