Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
