There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
They have beer where we have blood.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
