oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just threw up on my dentist
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
