Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize