She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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