I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
