his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
The Olympian is in my bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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