I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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