I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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