she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize