did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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