he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
