the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
