A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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