the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
