dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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