we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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