I've blown a few things in my day
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
