Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
