You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize