my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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