it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
