Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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