Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
