Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
