Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
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