I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
