i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
