The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Come on in and take your pants off
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