my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Randomize
