Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
