well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
