I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
