Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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