I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
