Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
