operation harelip BJ is a go
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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