you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
