he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
