My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
