Did I show you my penis last night?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize