you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
