I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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