I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
