Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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