I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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