So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
