every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
