You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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