Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
