we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Congratulations! We have a period
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