Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
As shirtless as possible
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
