There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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