Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
