Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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