I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
