its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
