I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
