my cup is half full, half full of rum.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
