Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
