i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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