I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
