I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
