She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize