i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
