I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
