Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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