ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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