My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
