Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
