the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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