I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
