I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
