i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
