well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
