i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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