in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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