went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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