xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Randomize
