I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I will be naked everywhere
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize