I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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