His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
