You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
