I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Randomize
