UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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