it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
