I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
