it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
