I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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