Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
