I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
