Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
