Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
