is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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