I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
