My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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