is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Randomize
