My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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