Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
