why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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