My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
